Spring was a complicated season. This year it decided to snow, rather than bring green pastures. After a heavy and unpredictable winter, it was not what we all had hoped for. Spring is meant to bring hope, joy and new life. But March of 2018, matched my disastrous life. Jack had gotten the news; he had 6 weeks left of work. Our bank account was comfortable, but we could not survive indefinitely. A stress headache plagued me. How will we keep building our house with no income? What about our bills? And how can we keep trying for a baby? I had no answers. I was beyond overwhelmed. Jack seemed as cool as a cucumber; not acting out of the ordinary. Was he freaking out like I was? He was good at keeping things to himself rather than adding to the chaos. I stressed out enough for the both of us. After everything we had been through the last two years, now this. Could we never catch a break? I needed something. I needed a sign.
I went to do my chores before the light disappeared for the day. The fluffiest snow cascaded down from the sky; the type of snow that movies portray. Flakes fell slowly, and I felt at peace for a moment. Cows munched on their hay, the pony’s hooves crunched on the snow covered ground. The world outside was in complete harmony. A winter wonderland. A new noise penetrated the tranquil moment, and I searched for the source. In the trees, 2 grouse searched for their next meal. They ignored me, and the snow falling around them. It seemed so natural to see the pair move swiftly from branch to branch, nibbling on the buds of trees. Was this a sign? Could this mean something good would happen? Maybe twins? Or was this supposed to make me reflect on the loss of my twins? Was it meant to show Jack and I, against the world? Or was this exactly what it looked like; 2 grouse eating in the trees. I wanted to believe they were a sign, from above, that something wonderful was to come. Maybe it was because I needed that hope. Nevertheless, it was a moment in another time.
The Infertile Farmer 